This is a cliché, but in this first blog post of 2021 i want to set some intentions for myself this year. I have previously been too much of a cynic to set new year's resolutions, now a desperate 22 year old in lockdown I'm craving change.
This space is currently occupied just by myself. I don’t know how personal I feel comfortable with getting on here or how good of an idea it is but I want to do this and learn how to do this.
My interaction with art is largely informed by areas of my personality I would like to explore and uncover, and so this blog existing without my personal baggage seems realms away from the reality of what I can produce. I feel I cannot try to speak and learn about art without first learning about my current relationship and prejudices about art. But I'm desperate to think and explore my feelings about art, they feel so lacklustre, dented and immature to what I expect them to be.
I'm nervous about referring to what I produce as art, I hold that label at arms length. ‘Art’ is so many things I cannot comprehend, it’s an intangible creature I’ve attempted to study despite having no clue what it looks like. What I do is gentle, easy, and patient. I draw. I draw my dogs a lot, I get to express the love I have for them and hold onto it. I get to hold their forms, my gratitude for them in my mind as I draw them and it’s a comfort blanket for my mind and soul. I draw in an attempt to look closely at something, to see something as clearly and completely as I can. This drawing practice began in A level when I drew myself (as I was too awkward to ask anyone else) and I started acclimating myself to my appearance, this work has unravelled, I cannot bring myself to draw my image anymore.
And so how does this fit in my identity, I’m not an artist, I don’t know if I wish to be an artist, I feel hesitant to wish for anything, I'm scared of the crumbling after another failing. Creativity is one of the only traits I feel like I have had for my whole life, but I cannot stand in front of what I do and call it creative.
NOTE: Maybe I should also mention if it’s not aggressively clear, I'm Dyslexic which might explain why reading this feels like a blending of a child's homework. Also should probably add "limiting the use of 'I'" as a new years resolution.
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